Found in the STPL Staff Lounge

Our staff are a kooky bunch, but the good news is – that’s one of the best things about STPL. One customer, Wendy, says this about our staff:

[Question: Why celebrate St. Thomas Public Library?] The first and foremost would be the is staff. Everyone is so friendly and helpful. You are always greeted with a smile and a see you soon or thanks for dropping in as you leave. All of the staff are very knowledgeable on a number of subjects or authors. They are very willing to look up things for you to guide you in the right direction or to put in a request to order a book, cd, audiotape, movie and the list goes on.

 

But our friendly staff doesn’t stop on the library floor or behind the desk. They’re a fantastic bunch to work with. The amount of humour, camaraderie, care, and support our staff shows each other makes St. Thomas Public Library a great place to work.

 

Need proof? This was found in the staff lounge for no apparent reason:

 

National Post - May 6, 2014
National Post – May 6, 2014

 

You’re a robot, aren’t you? – Gene Weingarten in Washington, Washington Post

The other day, my phone told me I missed a call but there was no voice mail. So I called the number back, only to be informed in was not a working number. This seemed strange, but not as strange as what happened the following day when I got a call from the same number and answered it.

Perky Woman’s Voice: I have great news from Direct-Buy. You are a finalist for a grand prize of a $50,000 home makeover!

Me: Really?

PWV: Yes! Congratulations!

Me: OK, but how many finalists are there? I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth, but there’s a difference between being in the Final Four and being in the Round of 64, which includes obscure play-in schools like the Elmer S. Mednick College of Applied Dentistry.

(Suspiciously long pause.)

PWV: It is true you are a finalist. We also have free vacation getaways to Las Vegas and other top destinations.

Me: Uh. Why the… big… pause? Are you a bear? Ha-ha.

(Suspiciously long pause.)

PWV: I am with DirectBuy. Are you a DirectBuy drive-by member?

Me: OK, wait a minute. You are a robot, aren’t you?

PWV: I am a real person.

Me: This is an interesting ontological question. I am thinking you were once a real person when you recited the dictionary into a computer, ergo the “you” I am speaking to can truthfully affirm her realness at the time she uttered the words, but that I am actually speaking to a sophisticated sound-packet analysis and retrieval unit. Are you sure you are not a robot?

(Lo-o-o-ong pause.)

PWV: I am a real person, speaking to you remotely.

Me: What the heck does that even mean? OK, which president freed the slaves?

PWV: Sir, that is irrelevant.

Me: Ooh, you are good!

PWV: Thank you.

Me: I’m thinking you are a robot who is programmed to make the initial approach in a voice that is comfortable and familiar to Americans, not one that arouses suspicions and triggers latent, ugly xenophobia. Once you have qualified me by establishing that I am an adult with discretionary income, you will switch me to a current human who will speak in a perfectly intelligent and cordial way, but also with telltale melodic intonation like that Malaysian transport minister who everyone now hates. AmIrightoramIright?

PWV: Sir, that is irrelevant.

Me: OK, here’s the deal. I promise I will buy six of anything and everything you are selling, but first you have to answer a question of mine, OK?

PWV: I’ll be happy to help you if I can.

Me: Complete this very simple phrase: “Who put the bomp in the bomp sh-bomp sh-bomp, who put the ram in the…”

(Very, very, very long pause.)

PWV: That’s irrelevant, sir.

Me: I think my work here is done.

(Click.)

It’s the little things in life that make this library staff member smile. So thank you fellow library staff members! You make this place a pretty fun place to work and I think our customers know it, too.

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