Found in the STPL Staff Lounge

Our staff are a kooky bunch, but the good news is – that’s one of the best things about STPL. One customer, Wendy, says this about our staff:

[Question: Why celebrate St. Thomas Public Library?] The first and foremost would be the is staff. Everyone is so friendly and helpful. You are always greeted with a smile and a see you soon or thanks for dropping in as you leave. All of the staff are very knowledgeable on a number of subjects or authors. They are very willing to look up things for you to guide you in the right direction or to put in a request to order a book, cd, audiotape, movie and the list goes on.


But our friendly staff doesn’t stop on the library floor or behind the desk. They’re a fantastic bunch to work with. The amount of humour, camaraderie, care, and support our staff shows each other makes St. Thomas Public Library a great place to work.


Need proof? This was found in the staff lounge for no apparent reason:


National Post - May 6, 2014
National Post – May 6, 2014


You’re a robot, aren’t you? – Gene Weingarten in Washington, Washington Post

The other day, my phone told me I missed a call but there was no voice mail. So I called the number back, only to be informed in was not a working number. This seemed strange, but not as strange as what happened the following day when I got a call from the same number and answered it.

Perky Woman’s Voice: I have great news from Direct-Buy. You are a finalist for a grand prize of a $50,000 home makeover!

Me: Really?

PWV: Yes! Congratulations!

Me: OK, but how many finalists are there? I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth, but there’s a difference between being in the Final Four and being in the Round of 64, which includes obscure play-in schools like the Elmer S. Mednick College of Applied Dentistry.

(Suspiciously long pause.)

PWV: It is true you are a finalist. We also have free vacation getaways to Las Vegas and other top destinations.

Me: Uh. Why the… big… pause? Are you a bear? Ha-ha.

(Suspiciously long pause.)

PWV: I am with DirectBuy. Are you a DirectBuy drive-by member?

Me: OK, wait a minute. You are a robot, aren’t you?

PWV: I am a real person.

Me: This is an interesting ontological question. I am thinking you were once a real person when you recited the dictionary into a computer, ergo the “you” I am speaking to can truthfully affirm her realness at the time she uttered the words, but that I am actually speaking to a sophisticated sound-packet analysis and retrieval unit. Are you sure you are not a robot?

(Lo-o-o-ong pause.)

PWV: I am a real person, speaking to you remotely.

Me: What the heck does that even mean? OK, which president freed the slaves?

PWV: Sir, that is irrelevant.

Me: Ooh, you are good!

PWV: Thank you.

Me: I’m thinking you are a robot who is programmed to make the initial approach in a voice that is comfortable and familiar to Americans, not one that arouses suspicions and triggers latent, ugly xenophobia. Once you have qualified me by establishing that I am an adult with discretionary income, you will switch me to a current human who will speak in a perfectly intelligent and cordial way, but also with telltale melodic intonation like that Malaysian transport minister who everyone now hates. AmIrightoramIright?

PWV: Sir, that is irrelevant.

Me: OK, here’s the deal. I promise I will buy six of anything and everything you are selling, but first you have to answer a question of mine, OK?

PWV: I’ll be happy to help you if I can.

Me: Complete this very simple phrase: “Who put the bomp in the bomp sh-bomp sh-bomp, who put the ram in the…”

(Very, very, very long pause.)

PWV: That’s irrelevant, sir.

Me: I think my work here is done.


It’s the little things in life that make this library staff member smile. So thank you fellow library staff members! You make this place a pretty fun place to work and I think our customers know it, too.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s